12 Reliable Relationship Advice From Experts and Real Couples
If finding your soulmate seemed difficult in the past, prepare for the reality of how to make a relationship last. That's because relationships can be complicated, messy, and downright difficult at times. However, the good news is that they are usually well worth the effort.
You and your partner will need to navigate the relationship path to find the path that works best for you, but that doesn't mean you can't stop along the way and ask for directions. But be wary of free advice from friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers—just because it's available doesn't mean it's always good. For more reliable information, consult a professional relationship therapist or Lasting, a science-based relationship app supported by The Knot.
What if you aren't married yet? Is it really worth it to go to therapy? The quick answer is yes. Long before the wedding bells ring, relationship advice can be extremely beneficial. Not to mention the couples who have matured together over time. Marriage, like all relationships, evolves and changes over time, so new advice may be beneficial.
We've gathered the relationship advice of experts and real couples alike to help cement your commitment to one another, whether you're on your first date, recently engaged, on your honeymoon, or have been together so long you've lost count.
Relationship Expertise
Marriage counselors and relationship experts have witnessed it all, both good and bad. Here's some relationship advice from experts that their patients and clients will appreciate.
1. Respect each other's thoughts:- "You and your partner have two completely different minds that have evolved over decades of time," says Steven Dziedzic, founder of the Lasting app. "That means you'll think and feel differently about almost everything, and you'll have big and small disagreements. That's why, in a conflict, the goal isn't to 'win,' as many people believe, but to understand your partner's point of view." Dziedzic also advises couples to remember that their partner's opinion is valid and worthy of respect, even if they are tempted to believe otherwise. "One of the most important jobs in a relationship is to consistently try to understand what your partner is thinking and why," says Dziedzic. "The more you know about your partner, the more resilient your relationship will be."
2. To reconnect, disconnect first:- One-on-one time can be strained by social media and the internet in general. Just because you and your partner are the only ones in the room together doesn't mean you're spending quality time together. "When you're out together, put your devices down and unplug when you get home," says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. "Take a 24-hour break to play board games or prepare a meal as a group."
3. Schedule a tune-up:- "Just as you see a general practitioner once a year for early detection, marriage counseling is a good idea once a year, if not more," Winson adds. "Even a Mercedes requires a yearly tune-up." Given that an app like Lasting makes it easier and more accessible than ever before. It intelligently learns about your relationship and then creates a tailored program just for your significant other, with sessions ranging from communication to sex.
4. Locate a safe haven:- "It's only a matter of finding a common ground and a common language, a safe space, where the friction of the relationship can be resolved," says Cynthia Chauvin Miles, a certified hypnotherapist (CHT) specializing in relationships and author of The 10 Ways: A Guide to the 21st Century Relationship. "This space and communication style frequently occurs in therapy, but if couples can invent it in their relationship beforehand, counseling is both easier and, more often than not, unnecessary. My husband and I refer to it as 'drive time.' We have the best conversations and make the most progress when we're both focused and relaxed while driving through rural areas."
5. Make an investment in your partner:- "Relationships have a strong chance of surviving when they are based on 'the good' in the other person, where both partners work together to feed that good and are inspired to become better themselves," says Suzie Pileggi Pawelski, author of Happy Together: Using Positive Psychology Science to Build Love That Lasts. "These relationships are more sustainable than those founded solely on pleasure or utility, because they are founded on what partners actively put into them, rather than what they can get out of them."
6. Don't lose sight of yourself:- "Make certain that both partners maintain some of their individual activities, interests, and friends that they had prior to getting together," Pileggi Pawelski adds. "This isn't to say they don't do things with their partner or invite their spouse out with their friends. It simply means that they do not feel obligated to do everything for their partner. [Our] findings indicate that interdependence, rather than dependence, is associated with satisfying and successful relationships."
Relationship Advice from Real Couples
You're probably aware that you shouldn't go to bed angry and that communication is essential, but there are plenty of other tried-and-true relationship tips to learn. For a more personal approach, we asked real couples for their unique user-tested and -approved relationship advice.
1. Let it go:- "Laughter seems to be the antidote to most arguments," says Los Angeles resident MacKenzie K. "We can usually diffuse an argument fairly quickly if one of us can crack a joke or point out how ridiculous it is before it escalates. One piece of advice I learned the hard way: Sarcasm rarely has the desired effect. Stick to commentary that you and your audience will find amusing, and extra points if you can make a few jokes about yourself."
2. Express gratitude:- "Say 'thank you' on a regular basis," says Jamie K. of New Milford, Connecticut. "Even if it's your partner's 'job' to do something (cook dinner, wash the car, etc.), showing appreciation is a great way to make them feel good and a great reminder to yourself that the life you live is possible because of the things you do for one another."
3. Let go of the minor details:- "I asked a cousin who had been happily married to his wife for 35 years,' says Lisa C. from Springfield, New Jersey. "'Don't nitpick,' he said, and it stuck with me every day for its simplicity and likely wisdom."
4. Hanger is a real person:- "Don't have difficult conversations when either person is tired or hungry," Seattle resident Kelsey M. advises.
5. Fight correctly:- "When you do fight, and fights are unavoidable," says Alaina L. from Boston, "you have to fight for the relationship." "Most people naturally fight for what they want, for their own needs, to be right, or to achieve their desired outcome. You must prioritize the relationship during a fight if you want it to last. Fight in a more compromising manner, free of the dirty techniques that most people employ, such as blaming the person for something they did years ago or dragging out their flaws because you're angry."
6. The more they learn:- "Err on the side of over-communication, at least when it comes to important things like your relationship," advises Tracey L. of New York City. "Don't overestimate your partner's understanding of you."
7. Perfect practice makes perfect:- "Just like going to the gym, it's important to make marriage counseling a habit," says Kristen A. from Atlanta. "For this, we use the Lasting app. It's a great starting point for difficult conversations, which are necessary for your marriage to thrive."
Relationship advice is great, but keep in mind that what works for one person may not work for another. No two relationships are alike, like snowflakes, and the approach you take must be right for the two of you. If the relationship advice provided by experts and real couples does not meet your needs, tweak them, collaborate to develop your own ideas, or seek professional assistance through an app like Lasting. What happens could be relationship advice you can give to future couples.
0 Comments